Ok – getting older can suck… I mean really suck. Back in 2008, I had a headache for several weeks. With my history of allergies, that is what I knew it was but it lingered, like on the back burner simmering, never really bad enough to take meds but never going away. Someone asked about my blood pressure. My blood pressure? Nothing wrong with my blood pressure until someone just gets on my last nerve! I was “encouraged” to see a doctor – which I really needed to do, not having one listed as a Primary Care Physician on my insurance. Went, took my blood pressure, checked my weight(OMG!) and then asked why I was there. Headache. How long. Too long. Your blood pressure is in the pre-hypertension area. WHAT!? And you have super sensitivity(bp was 145/100 – most people not a problem). And that means? You will have symptoms others don’t have until it gets higher – you one in a thousand that this happens. Oh wow, finally becoming one in a something and it is my health!
So I began meds and the headaches went away. But miss a day and it is back! So I have to become chummy with my doctor and when I move I get to find one immediately so meds can continue. Which brings me to last week when I had an appointment to see the doctor so I may have meds prescription filled – running out and was cutting it close. Every doctor has a routine and my new friend was no different. He has an ekg run on me – ok no problem. At least it wasn’t a needle! Comes in and says: Don’t like what I see on this. This l;ast part of the heart beat should not be a straight line(was only after three to four beats). I am sending you to get a stress test. WHAT!?(in a high pitch voice in my head but said calmly to the doctor).
Yes, and I will get an appointment as soon as possible.
GREAT! Just what I need is to have to stress myself over a stress test! But it is walking on a treadmill right? Yes! I can do that. But what he didn’t tell and the tech did when I got there, needle was involved! An iv to put in NUCLEAR stuff in to take pics of my heart – not once but twice! It was in a lead box! I was about to be juiced up with stuff that causes cancer! And I had to sign a form understanding that there were side effects(fortunately no added limbs growing out) and what was the last on: DEATH.
Ok I don’t have to get on a treadmill – heart rate is rising. And it nearly shot out the top of my head when she tried to get the needle in – twice and blowing both veins. I was a mess. I got dizzy, and I was trying to be strong but cramp that hurt.
So ER nurse helped out, pics done and I was hooked-up for the treadmill. Went about 6 minutes. Doctor asked if I had any tightness and needed to stop. No tightness, but my hip is hurting(bursitis), can I stop.
Took dr couple of days to call, which sorta said to me Things are not life-threatening. And when I got the call, I got upset: I would have to see a cardiologist and have an angiogram. So I was to see the dr that day. Yes there was a small something in one of veins – what else could happen!!? God am I really falling apart or what! Be still my chaotic spirit.
Now I am waiting for the cardiologist to call me. It has been a week. So is it life threatening? Apparently not or I would be there but it hasn’t stopped me from worrying and stressing and wondering what is next – which right now is finishing up college hours, play performance, voice and piano recital, and lastly a class pottery show. Not much going on –
But it did make me pause: I was doing the worrying, I was stressing, I was taking all this on myself. I finally shared with others what was going on and the burden is lighter. I also remembered God’s promise through Jesus that I was not alone and have access to a peace beyond understanding. I need that peace, I forgot I have that peace if I just stop and tap into it.
Which I did last evening: I was asked to assist in presenting a labyrinth walk to a group of high school youth. I got the space ready and walked the labyrinth praying for what direction was waiting for me, why is taking so long, what am I suppose to be doing in the here and now? And it was just that: explaining to a group of youth how to use the labyrinth as a prayer tool. As my Grandma would say, “If it was a snake, it would have bitten you.” And it did. I said a prayer of thanks. And God said, “You’re welcome” by raining grace all over me.
So what have you been stressing about? Remember who can handle so much better than us.