Don’t Owe it To Your Child –

I am not a parent, but I teach children and have heard many even say “But I deserve this?” or “what do I get for being good?”  My answer – no you have received your reward of me being proud that you behaved as you know you are suppose to do. Here is a more comprehensive list and I so agree with it – so my friends who are parents and grandparents, stop being guilty.

(from http://www.foreverymom.com/these-10-things-you-dont-owe-your-child-are-totally-spot-on-boom/)

10 Things You Don’t Owe Your Child

1. Children are not entitled to rewards for good behavior. When you walk through the store and your child behaves while you are shopping, you don’t “owe” them a toy for good behavior. They behaved. That’s GREAT! Done deal. This one drives me nuts! I would say to my child, “Thanks for being so well-behaved in the store today!” They say, “Your welcome, what can we get?!” After many lessons, they are learning. Life is not a hand-out. Sometimes you just have to do what is expected of you. Now, after teaching them, I can reward them once in awhile and not have to continually hear them asking for a reward.

2. Children are not entitled to be the best athlete in school.  Children walk on the field or the court and expect they will have the skills and talent of a pro-athlete. What they don’t realize is that good athletes work hard.  If they work hard and practice their skills they will reap the rewards. The rewards do not necessarily mean professional sports though. Skill and talent doesn’t come automatically and it doesn’t come without hours of committed practice.

3. Children are not entitled to every possession they want!  First, let’s help them appreciate the things they have. Learning contentment is another hard but important life lesson. Next let’s teach them the value of what it is they want. Teach them how to save their money for it. They can earn it. You don’t have to buy it for them because they want it now. Give them a chance to want it for a little while. They may discover if they wait that they didn’t really want it that desperately.  They will also learn patience. Your children will appreciate the item even more!

4. Children are not entitled to popularity. There is no rule that says they will or should have a playground full of friends. Everyone is different. Teach them that sometimes a few really good friends is better. Popularity is not the most important part of life to strive for. We would never wish for our children to be without friends, but they need to learn how to make friends and be a good friend in order to have them and keep them.

5. Children are not entitled to a gourmet meal. We work hard as parents and there are a lot of aspects to running a home. You may not have time to make a 7-course meal when all that is said and done. Parents don’t have to feel guilty about that. Do the best you can to provide a healthy balanced meal for your family. Teach your children to respect that. Let’s teach them how to help make those meals! This is a win for everyone!

6. Children are not entitled to a maid. Our job is to be the parents. We are not the cleaning service. Let’s teach our children how to clean up after themselves and how to do simple chores. Let’s teach them that chores do not always mean a payment when they finish. This teaches them responsibility and ownership for their things and their house. Everyone in the house can be responsible for helping to take care of the house. These skills help them in school also.

7. Children are not entitled to fast food service. Patience is a very hard thing to teach children and even adults.  A child’s request to you for whatever it may be, does not have to be fulfilled immediately. Sometimes it is a good lesson for them to wait patiently. Teaching children to wait is a life-lesson. There will be times in life they will have to wait, so they might as well get used to it!

8. Children are not entitled to pass to the next grade. Our children are all brilliant, kind to others, and selfless, no doubt. We all want to believe that about our children. We know our children. The teachers also know our children. Children may think this, but they are not given a free ride to the next grade level. It is not an automatic pass at the end of the year. Having their hinder in their seat every day is not enough. Children have to work and learn the information necessary to get to the next level. If they don’t put in the time or the work, it is not a free pass. There are students who don’t do their work or don’t think it matters if they get an A or a D on their homework. It matters if they don’t have the skills they need for the next grade!

9. Children are not entitled to win every game. We do not need to let our children win when we play games with them. We can keep score in a game and have a winner and, yes, a loser.  Children can learn at an early age how to be a gracious winner and not a sore loser. We can teach them that they won’t win every game. We also teach them that we don’t stop playing games because we might lose or because we lost a last game. Competition is a natural instinct but learning how to lose is a lesson we have to learn at some point in life. This lesson will carry through our entire lives. If they learn this early on, adjusting to what life throws at them will be much easier.

10. Children are not entitled to be right all of the time. Everyone wants to think they are right ALL the time. Whether we are willing to admit it or not…we are not always right. Similarly, children are not always right and they need to be taught that they are not. It is our responsibility to correct them when they are wrong. They will make excuses for their behavior or they will argue about why they are right. As parents, we need to curb this behavior early and teach them that it is okay to be wrong and how to admit to being wrong. It’s a hard pill to swallow, even for adults. If we don’t teach them this lesson they become disrespectful to anyone who tries to tell them they are wrong about anything. As a teacher, and the wife of a teacher, I know how disrespectful children can be when they are told they are doing something wrong. Children may be entitled to their opinion. However, let’s teach them how to voice it respectfully and at the correct time!

Children ARE entitled to parents who will teach them the difference between the things in life they have to work for and the things in life that are given freely.

Found a gem…

One of my favorite series from the BBC is Inspector Morse.  Police drama set in Oxford, England, Morse is the atypical Inspector: he loves opera, good wine & beer(Bud Lite not one of them), good book and crossword puzzels. Not only entertaining but educational in the arts. It was only on for 7 seasons from 1987 – 2000. Series at the BBC are much different than here. But I digress – while watching an episode, his Sargeant Lewis recites a quote: treat triumph and disaster the same. Morse says, “Kipling”, and of course if watch many of these Lewis is not as familiar with writers as his boss. But the quote intrigue me and so with the help of Google, I found where it is from and it is a wonderful poem that should be studied further. Not sure if I will do it but finding it is a start. So here is Kipling’s poem IF…enjoy! If—  BY RUDYARD KIPLING: ‘Brother Square-Toes’—Rewards and Fairies If you can keep your head when all about you       Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,     But make allowance for their doubting too;   If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,     Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,     And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;       If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster     And treat those two impostors just the same;   If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken     Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,     And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings     And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings     And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew     To serve your turn long after they are gone,   And so hold on when there is nothing in you     Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,       Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,     If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute     With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,       And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son! Source: A Choice of Kipling’s Verse (1943) http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/175772 So don’t discount television shows, some you do learn something. A more up to date is Big Bang Theory. Funny as hell but it does use and makes the sciences so cool! Since the arts are more my area, I haven’t looked up any vocabulary because most I can pronounce much less spell.😁!